Steroid Allegation Scandal Rocks JMI
The following AP article
appeared in newspapers and across the web shortly after the 2002 JMI
Classic. The article indicates that the
tournament CEO, Joe Merrill, attempted to gain an unfair competitive advantage
via the use of performance enhancing anabolic steroids. These allegations are completely unfounded
and sniff of retaliation or some hidden agenda.
Nevertheless, we feel that a truly balanced account of this tournament
should include this report, regardless of the blatant yellow journalism
employed. We do, however, feel it
appropriate to compare a picture of Joe Merrill from the current year to one
taken in 1998, the first time he won a long-drive award. Other than more gray hair, there is no
appreciable difference in Merrill's appearance.
Nobody was suggesting steroid use in 1998.
Joe Merrill, 2002 (L) and 1998
AP.
The sports world was rocked yet again today by allegations of steroid abuse
at one of golf's premier events, the JMI Classic, more commonly known by
fans everywhere as The Merrill.
Sources confirmed today that Joseph Roger Merrill, 37, of
aided in his victory in the Longest Drive Contest by the use of illegal
performance enhancing drugs. After the recent baseball steroid scandals
described by Jose Canseco and Keith Caminiti unbeknownst to the participants
of the JMI6 all winners were tested for performance enhancing drugs.
After
the initial test turned up positive an second sample was tested that
confirmed that Merrill had elevated levels of testosterone 450% above the
normal range a sure sign that anabolic steroids abuse
has occurred.
Joe
Merrill congratulates himself on his long drive
victory in 2002. Merrill's performance
has come under fire with recent steroid allegations.
Said Dr. Laszlo von Lazar of
testing was performed, "The irony is that Merrill himself signed the
paperwork authorizing the testing."
Perennial victor in the
of five straight victories was snapped by Merrill, seemed saddened and
confused about the ugly affair. "I don't mind if I lose fair and
square. I
always play to win - that's the Matero way, but we
don't cry if we lose.
There's no crying in baseball, and no crying in golf either. But to lose
this way..." and his voice trailed off as he tried to understand what
would
drive his sport to these depths. "You know, now people will start
questioning me and my previous accomplishments. I'm still trying to
decide
on how to explain all this to my son, Jordan, he's the
one I care about"
Like many who have trod this ugly road before, Merrill has claimed that new
training techniques have brought him to this lofty perch. Confidants of
Merrill have said that talk of his Nordic track prowess has increased
substantially, however a recent visitor to Casa Merrill who spied the Nordic
track had a one-word comment: Dust.
Dan Shaughnessy, sportswriter for the Boston Globe,
commented "[it's] just
like Brady Anderson all over again. From zero to hero - it just doesn't
happen overnight - it comes from a can or a needle"
An unnamed source has also raised Merrill's rather recent "dramatic"
improvement in his bowling. "Lately he's been coming on gangbusters,
really
mowing down those pins. He keeps commenting on his new "lucky"
bowling
shoes but I don't know. Also he wears long sleeve shirts every
time. Why?
Everyone else's bowling shirt is short sleeve. What is he trying to
hide?"
Part 2 - Prior
Desperate Acts Unearthed
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